omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
