i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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