last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
