My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
