you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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