Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
