we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
