Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
