i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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