I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
