it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
