Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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