I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
