Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
