I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Actions speak louder than pants.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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