I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
why is half of my head shaved?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
