True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
