Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
