Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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