So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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