What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
