I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
