Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
