There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
