OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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