Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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