Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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