dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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