I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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