I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
