i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
