Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
