not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
