I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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