I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
