my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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