literally had 100 drinks last night.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
