So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
