Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
