He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
