he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
