It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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