I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
