Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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