So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
