The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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