DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
