my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
