I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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