there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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