Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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