when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
