Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She bit a glass in half.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
