called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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