Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
