I just made out with a guy for $7.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
