i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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