I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
