..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
