it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
